Standstill at Crossroads

No matter how much I try, you can never change. I understand, that is human nature. I'm sorry for trying to change who you are. I understand that stubbornness is just what really defines you. I do want to help you though. You've been through a lot, and your actions are understandable. I want to see you smile.

My friend said that she feels as if she's picking through the ashes, while I'm trying to start a fire. If that's the case, I've burnt myself badly, to the point where the pain comes back to haunt me every single night.

All I want is to be in your arms, you telling me that it's all going to be OK. But, seeing you would cause the pain to grow deeper. You fill the gap in my heart and at the same time, rip open a deep gash.

But then again, it's my fault that you're so deeply embedded in me, that every time we shift, it hurts. Perhaps I should just end it all, because I am not yours, nor will I feel that I ever will be, because I, and I'm not the only one, think that I have been waiting for quite a while. However, it is not your fault. It is mine, for placing the burden of answering me on you. That's alright. I know we all wish we can wait forever, but that isn't the reality. Reality doesn't allow us to.

If I were to end it, I would have to pull you out of my heart, the pain engulfing me. I don't know if the pain will surpass what I feel now, but if I do decide to, I will greatly hope that the pain won't last even remotely as long. It may be greater, but for a shorter amount of time. At least it's not a dull aching pain forever.

There's no sense in crying over stupid things every night.