Advice

I once gave advice to a friend saying that you should never force yourself to like or not like someone. But is it worth it? It isn't worth the tears. I wish for you to be happy. Find someone who you can truly love and cherish, and someone who will support you all the way. Because clearly, you don't love me. I just want to love and be loved without having to worry about the future. With you, that is not possible.

Interpretations

I am angry because I've waited for so long. But that makes me selfish because you never asked for such a choice. I've dumped this burden on you. I am mad that you treat me as if I'm yours, but I am not. However, this is only my interpretation. My interpretation makes me angry, and my interpretation is selfish. I should not be interpreting it this way. You deserve to be happy. I just feel that sometimes, you should not be rewarded, as you continue to harm yourself. But that is just me.

Spirals

I am weak. I fear everything. I cannot bear to see you wear down your body. It may not look like it that way on the outside, but a pessimist only fears the worst. No matter how we are in the future, I wish you to be happy and well. At the rate you're going, it doesn't seem like you will be. I fear the worst. I fear that in the future, you will bring about some of my worst fears. I am weak. I am not good enough to be with you. Find someone who will love you and who will support you through hard times, because I cannot.

I cry because I know that it hurts to not be able to support you. I then cry because I feel stupid. I cry more because I feel a coward for not trying to help you. I feel stupid because I am giving up on you. It tears my heart out because I am so attached to you, yet I do want to end it, to sever the powerful bonds, before I get hurt. I am selfish.

All this crying will hurt me too one day. I deserve that. But I need someone strong to support me. Not someone who will break me more.

Standstill at Crossroads

No matter how much I try, you can never change. I understand, that is human nature. I'm sorry for trying to change who you are. I understand that stubbornness is just what really defines you. I do want to help you though. You've been through a lot, and your actions are understandable. I want to see you smile.

My friend said that she feels as if she's picking through the ashes, while I'm trying to start a fire. If that's the case, I've burnt myself badly, to the point where the pain comes back to haunt me every single night.

All I want is to be in your arms, you telling me that it's all going to be OK. But, seeing you would cause the pain to grow deeper. You fill the gap in my heart and at the same time, rip open a deep gash.

But then again, it's my fault that you're so deeply embedded in me, that every time we shift, it hurts. Perhaps I should just end it all, because I am not yours, nor will I feel that I ever will be, because I, and I'm not the only one, think that I have been waiting for quite a while. However, it is not your fault. It is mine, for placing the burden of answering me on you. That's alright. I know we all wish we can wait forever, but that isn't the reality. Reality doesn't allow us to.

If I were to end it, I would have to pull you out of my heart, the pain engulfing me. I don't know if the pain will surpass what I feel now, but if I do decide to, I will greatly hope that the pain won't last even remotely as long. It may be greater, but for a shorter amount of time. At least it's not a dull aching pain forever.

There's no sense in crying over stupid things every night.

The Rules of Hearts

No matter how hard I try to hold the hearts together, they will not fit. Unless I break the rules of origami and bond them together with tape or glue, but that is unfair. They were created equal but just do not fit.

Perhaps...

I suppose I am allowed to say that Fate was cruel in letting us meet, and having me fall in love with you. For you, I stopped pinning my hair, even though it now gets in my face, because you didn't like girls who showed their foreheads. I wait for you at the end of each day because you are slow, but I am a hypocrite because as soon as I am slow, I ask you to wait, and then I overtake you and keep on going. I want to shield you from this world. I worry about you day and night, and at the end of each day, I stupidly cry because you do not take care of yourself. You say that you never want to see me cry, only tears of joy, but what I want the most is someone who would wipe my tears away, but at the same time, allow me to cry on their shoulder. Maybe I'm dreaming and that no such person exists. I am afraid of every little thing in this world and am a coward. I want to become stronger, but I am weak in many ways. That is why I was drawn in by your poison.

I feel incredibly stupid that I was drawn to you, knowing that you may never feel the same way. It hurts, and I know it is wrong, but I still am drawn, and that will one day bring me down.

Maybe I'm selfish for saying this, but perhaps maybe you owe it to me to not make me worry, to teach me how to relax. Because I can only relax when I'm with you. But then again, maybe I am selfish because I am interpreting it all this way. Maybe you do not interpret what I do as I do. But I know that I've taken your heartbreak and turned it into my own. For that I am glad.

I know that I do not know the rules, and I am selfish.
And for that I am sorry.

Art Exhibit :O

It was called Mind the Gap! The art exhibit I really liked!

Exploring the City I've Lived in All My Life

My friend and I walked around the roof of the mall downtown today,and it was HUGE! It also stretched over some of the smaller buildings, and it was great! We saw a bunny! How did it get up there, we wonder? And we think that there must be more than one bunny because there were lots of bunny.... presents left lying around. A few weeks ago a group of friends and us went up there for a snowball fight, and so we desperately hope that the bunny came up here AFTER that. The view from the roof is beautiful, you can see most of downtown. :)

After, we went to an expensive hotel and decided to look around the bottom floor. They have a cafe and a lounge, and we debated over tea but decided not to because the hotel can get very expensive. It's a beautiful hotel and used to be a castle. Our school is close to it, and I'm hoping to have prom there ^^

We're going to go to the art gallery soon, because she's never been there. I had a favourite exhibition called... aw I forget what it was called, but it was only a temporary exhibit :( It had lots of art pieces that resembled parts of the human body, and it had eerie music playing in it. I want to see it again... T_T

In any case, it's exam week, and I have GOT to relax because all I've done is stress this month. Not that I know how to relax.... sigh.

À Cause D'un Garçon...

My feelings for you sway back and forth like a see-saw, over the pivot foundation that I truly love you. Your bad traits move me to one side and your good traits move me to the other side. You are an amazing person but you are lazy and stubborn. But recently your bad traits have been overpowering and I'm teetering dangerously close to falling over the edge into oblivion, instead of into your arms...

...And I said... 'Let there be......uh... posts....'

Well, my first blog post. :P My goal is to write and LIMIT MY USE OF EMOTICONS! Well I guess I can use an occasional one... Hmm... what to say....

This should be... sort of like an introductory paragraph into my very long essay-blog. I suck at those anyways.... T_T