Postscript

Although you seemed fine, I do hope you are alright on the inside. It may have taken a while for it to set in. I'm truly sorry I've wasted your time. I do hope that you can move on, and that you can find someone who is truly worthy. We may have been similar people on the inside, but it is the outside that gives a more constant impression. For that, that was where we diverged. We were too different on the outside. Thus, this tale ends here... for now.

Wiped Clean

However this ends, I hope it ends well. I'd still very much like to be your friend, but if you wish for some distance, that's alright. I do still care for you very much. I'm just not sure if I love you anymore. Can I still go on like this? I don't know if the relationship will last. Well, I just hope that we don't dwell too much on what might have been, and instead, focus on the great times we've had. Goodbye.

Ponderings

Sigh. It's been a while since I posted here. What's there to say? Summer... you get all hyped up about it, but when it's finally here, you're stuck at home because everyone else is off in some cool exotic faraway country.

Really sad that my computer crashed recently. Well... it's been crashing for while, it just got worse the past few weeks. My dad wiped the main drive, but that didn't solve the problem, so he reset the entire computer. For some reason, my drive, which is separate from the main drive, also got wiped. I lost all my data. I don't really care for my music and videos, as that eliminated my bad habit of hoarding everything, but some things you can never get back. Chat logs. Sigh. Oh well. I managed to get most of them back. What's done is done. Currently rebuilding my library of music. I also lost some of my writing. Good thing I posted them on the Internet/already had them handwritten, but I can't seem to find two pieces that I really liked. I thought I printed them. Sigh.

Life's good? I think so.

Sometimes I feel that the emotion isn't strong enough. Alere flammam. Nourish the flame. Keep it burning. However, I sometimes wonder if it will last forever. Sometimes I get second thoughts, but another side of me feels that after such a long wait, I should stick with my final solution.

The End of the Beginning

Song: [Allister MacGillivary] | Song for Peace

We've been off to a very rocky start, being shaken so far, but I think we might be okay now. The worst of this wave is now behind us. Hopefully things can be better. I like being in your arms, watching the sun as it moves across the sky. Maybe we can do that again sometime. After crying, the two of us, I believe we can overcome the difficulties and move on. And like my friend said, if we ever meet any future obstacles, we can look back and see this obstacle that we've overcome, and we'll know that we can withstand anything.

Maybe I've been slowly walking away, but I still continued to look back. Maybe I was ready to leave; I had one foot out the door, but you managed to make me turn around and come back.

Like the names written interlaced in the gravel; Amelia, Marilyn, Emily, Shannon, 2010 BFF, we can be You + Me Forever. Not You <3 Me Forever. But I'll stand by you, and you'll stand by me, and everything will be alright.

I am happy.

Life

Song: Dido | White Flag

Life is meaningless without you. My best friend, the best friend I ever had. I don't want to stab you in the heart; I feel like the hunter from Snow White. But I feel I need to get the thorn out of my heart. Only then can I start to heal. But it seems either way, there will be pain. There will be a scar, even when things are over. You make me worry so much. Why did I wait half an hour for you, when I was tired and everyone had already left? Why?

Sun

A friend once said that you cannot see how bright a flame is if you stand near it, you can only see how bright it truly is once you stand in the darkness. He also said that you and I were like the burning sun.

Somehow, I think that he was standing too far away and seeing the remains of the already burnt out supernova.

Pride

Song: Hanako Oku | Garnet

Maybe my feelings for you were pushed to the side and eventually dried up. But perhaps I've been fighting to keep that one drop remaining. The question is whether I want to grab on to it, or to let it go.

It's so muddled now. I don't know what to feel.

Perhaps one reason I want to hold on is for my pride. My stupid, stupid pride. The fact that I wasted everything, spent hours being jealous at people who stood no chance, if I were to just let that all go, my pride would not forgive me.

Why can I tell so many people my feelings, but it is so hard to tell it to your face?