The Wish for Solace

Even though you now say to me, 'I love you', I still can't help but feel that they are somewhat empty. You never take things seriously. I don't know what you really mean and what you joke about. I know I should just give up but I just can't force myself to quit. It's like gambling. I always think that the next minute will be the minute you turn around and answer me.

I'm sorry for being so bossy. It's gotten to the point that I hate myself. I cry myself to sleep. I woke up this morning, having only fully slept four hours, with dried tears all over my eyes.

I want to be happy.

Hope

Perhaps, after crying to get to you, to finally have gotten my feelings across, perhaps there is hope; there is light in this endless storm. Perhaps. Maybe I will successfully start the fire. Maybe this is a new beginning. One can only hope.

Pain

Even after agreeing to push my feelings aside, to take little steps at a time, for you to concentrate on taking better care of yourself and not "us", it's hard. Such great feelings are hard to push away. I know I said that things will fall into place if you can promise me to take care of yourself, and if my feelings happen to die away before you achieve that, then so be it. But... it hurts so much. No matter what I do, it hurts, and no matter what I do, I will never be yours.